Whitney joined Amy Warehouse this weekend in that great Shooting-Gallery-In-The-Sky .... I had money on it being Britney Spears next, so fuckyou very much Britney for outliving Whitney and making me miss-out on the 300-1 odds I had on you being the first truly spectacular trainwreck on 2012 .... Of course, If Britney, Lindsay Lohan, Gwen Stefani, Christina Aguilera and Madonna all die this year in spectacular fashion, it will make me a CRAPLOAD of money from this guy in Vegas, and it will also prove that there is, indeed, a God. (Cos I have spent YEARS praying that God would kill all these bitches Bible-style, and NOTHIN'!!!)
For any fervent Christians, Moslems, Jews, or any other monotheistic, exclusionary, bigoted weirdo cult I may have left out, here's your chance to see whether or not you're wasting your time and money: If none o' those irritating bitches is still alive at the start of 2013, then God exists .... if they're still alive it means that either God DOESN'T exist, or She's off taking a vacation and leaving Satan in charge of things.
Note to religious whackjobs: Do NOT go out killing these people just to prove to me that your God exists. If God wants 'em dead, She will do it with lightning, earthquakes, tornadoes, locusts, or leprosy ... God doesn't need some numbnuts fuckwit to go on any killing-sprees on Her behalf. For further proof, go to Wikipedia an' read about the fuckin' crusades and how well THEY worked out for God's True Believers!
Every single one of these religious fucksticks who claim to be speaking for God tells us about evil, but they always leave out "Monumentally Fuckin' Stupid" when they tell us about what's wrong with Society In General and America In Particular, and they know that they're right cos God Told Them So.
Well God told ME that all the problems in the world were caused by dumbass celebreties who should be sedated for their own good. The problem is, the ones who REALLY need sedating are capable of ingesting amounts of pharmaceuticals that would kill a Rolling Stone without suffering so much as a fuckin' hangover!
And straight-up whackin' them is out, because then they'd end-up with that cult status that seems to be bestowed on celebreties who crash in spectacular fashion just as their 14th Minute is ending (Amy Warehouse, River Phoenix, Curt Cobain, etc.), so it only leaves Divine Retribution.
And as we ALL know from watching Peter Pan, wishes only come true if everyone wishes for it at the same time.
And what the fuck is a prayer if it's not a wish?
So if we all pray hard enough for this shit to happen, we'll no longer have to suffer having Superbowls, Grammy celebrations, or Lollapalooza besmirched by the likes of Britney fuckin' Spears or that sagging bag of bones Madonna.
And after all these years, I STILL have no fuckin' idea what a Hollaback Girl is, but I swear as soon as I find out, Gwen Stefani is on The List, so even if I DON'T win the Lotto, I still have the same chances of God gettin' that bitch.
Providing enough people pray for it to happen.
For any fervent Christians, Moslems, Jews, or any other monotheistic, exclusionary, bigoted weirdo cult I may have left out, here's your chance to see whether or not you're wasting your time and money: If none o' those irritating bitches is still alive at the start of 2013, then God exists .... if they're still alive it means that either God DOESN'T exist, or She's off taking a vacation and leaving Satan in charge of things.
Note to religious whackjobs: Do NOT go out killing these people just to prove to me that your God exists. If God wants 'em dead, She will do it with lightning, earthquakes, tornadoes, locusts, or leprosy ... God doesn't need some numbnuts fuckwit to go on any killing-sprees on Her behalf. For further proof, go to Wikipedia an' read about the fuckin' crusades and how well THEY worked out for God's True Believers!
Every single one of these religious fucksticks who claim to be speaking for God tells us about evil, but they always leave out "Monumentally Fuckin' Stupid" when they tell us about what's wrong with Society In General and America In Particular, and they know that they're right cos God Told Them So.
Well God told ME that all the problems in the world were caused by dumbass celebreties who should be sedated for their own good. The problem is, the ones who REALLY need sedating are capable of ingesting amounts of pharmaceuticals that would kill a Rolling Stone without suffering so much as a fuckin' hangover!
And straight-up whackin' them is out, because then they'd end-up with that cult status that seems to be bestowed on celebreties who crash in spectacular fashion just as their 14th Minute is ending (Amy Warehouse, River Phoenix, Curt Cobain, etc.), so it only leaves Divine Retribution.
And as we ALL know from watching Peter Pan, wishes only come true if everyone wishes for it at the same time.
And what the fuck is a prayer if it's not a wish?
So if we all pray hard enough for this shit to happen, we'll no longer have to suffer having Superbowls, Grammy celebrations, or Lollapalooza besmirched by the likes of Britney fuckin' Spears or that sagging bag of bones Madonna.
And after all these years, I STILL have no fuckin' idea what a Hollaback Girl is, but I swear as soon as I find out, Gwen Stefani is on The List, so even if I DON'T win the Lotto, I still have the same chances of God gettin' that bitch.
Providing enough people pray for it to happen.
No comments:
Post a Comment