Sitting in my living room, watching the hummingbirds swarming around the feeder hung strategically outside the window, it occurred to me that 72 degrees and sunny isn't exactly the weather one usually expects in the first week in February.
It's actually colder than it was on Christmas Eve when I managed to get quite a nice tan in the 6 hours I was out in the sun working.
It's my belief that the reason most people have failed to notice that it's still autumn and not winter is because they've been bored into a stupor by the last three months of having the Republican Party debates on their radios, televisions, news-feeds, and all over their newspapers. After having that hammered over their heads since what seems to be the early 14th Century it's been going on so long, America has become numbed to any other kind of news.
By the time they have finished processing the debates, the reviews of the debates, the rebuttals to the reviews of the debates, the press-conferences angrily called to rebut the rebuttals to the reviews of the debates, and finally the interviews with the candidates to comment on the press-conferences angrily called to rebut the rebuttals of the reviews of the debates that THEY took part in, the average viewer/listener is as confused and cross-eyed as you who are reading this.
And if you read it again, you have just saved yourself watching a thirty minute news update on how it's been here since May. The last one on January 26th was the twenty fifth debate between people who have declared that they want to run for President, many of whom seem to have done so only after having lengthy and detailed conversations with God who informed them that they were His Chosen Candidate.
I have to tell you that, based on the declarations of so many GOP contenders, that God appears to be hedging His bets almost as much as Mitt Romney.
But enough of that for now, it only detracts from the main issue (just as a good Republican debate should).
The point is that, even though I live about a mile up a mountain that has a long history of being covered in snow at this time of year, right now my kids are wearing shorts to school, hummingbirds are swarming in my garden, I have to put SPF 20 on my daughter if she wants to play in the yard, and worst of all there are fat-chicks walking around wearing miniskirts and halter-tops or short-shorts and bikini tops. Don't get me wrong here, I am NOT picking on fat-chicks. I'm a fat-guy, so I have no room to talk about that kinda stuff. Except that, as a fat-guy, I realise that the world neither wants or needs to see the acreage of flesh I keep hidden under my clothes. That's exactly why I keep it hidden under my clothes!
I do have a problem, though, with being confronted with a size-28 woman squeezed into size-12 shorts and a spandex top that not only shows her navel but her C-Section scars and what appeared to be a 3-D topographical map of the Rockies, moulded out of rancid cottage-cheese. I briefly considered poking.
As I stood there, trying not to gag from the combination of B.O and the half-gallon of Poison she had used in lieu of soap and water or deodorant, I thought to myself "Christ! what a sight it must have been when there were millions of these fuckers being hunted across the Plains by the Indians".
But I'm digressin' again.
The last time we had a Winter with no winter was 2001, and the country was pretty preoccupied with the fact that some religious whack-jobs (are there REALLY any other kind?) had decided to play Kamikaze Demolition Derby with 300 ton airliners, and we had to invade Iraq and Afghanistan to teach some Saudi Arabian and Iranian terrorists not to call the President's daddy names ...okay you tell ME what the hell happened!! ....... I'm waiting ....... See? YOU don't know either!! nyah nyah nyah nyahh nyyyyyyaaaaahhhhhh! (A closing argument used, I believe, by Dubya when telling Al Gore that he wasn't gonna be living in the White House)
The entire country missed the fact that we went from Summer, to Fall, to Spring, with twenny minutes of cloudy weather in between!
Which brings me back to the reason for the 25 (so far!) Republican Party Presidential Candidate (Mass) Debates: The reason we're having so many, and that they're getting so much news coverage (even when they're not actually taking place!) is because once you've listened to 25 minutes of this crap, you're almost RELIEVED to hear that the Dow dropped three hundred points AGAIN today. Throw in a cutesy-pie story about a crippled girl who lost her cat and it turned up in a restaurant garbage can in Savannah after mistakenly getting on the back of a semi-truck in Sacramento and there's only about 10 seconds left for the weather guy to say "Weather's gonna be nice again tomorrow. We're expecting winter any day now, but until we get it it's going to stay 77 and sunny ... Tom will be here with sport after this important word from our sponsors".
You see? 30 minutes of news condensed into one paragraph, and by reading this instead of watching it, I even saved you from a commercial for sunscreen
It's actually colder than it was on Christmas Eve when I managed to get quite a nice tan in the 6 hours I was out in the sun working.
It's my belief that the reason most people have failed to notice that it's still autumn and not winter is because they've been bored into a stupor by the last three months of having the Republican Party debates on their radios, televisions, news-feeds, and all over their newspapers. After having that hammered over their heads since what seems to be the early 14th Century it's been going on so long, America has become numbed to any other kind of news.
By the time they have finished processing the debates, the reviews of the debates, the rebuttals to the reviews of the debates, the press-conferences angrily called to rebut the rebuttals to the reviews of the debates, and finally the interviews with the candidates to comment on the press-conferences angrily called to rebut the rebuttals of the reviews of the debates that THEY took part in, the average viewer/listener is as confused and cross-eyed as you who are reading this.
And if you read it again, you have just saved yourself watching a thirty minute news update on how it's been here since May. The last one on January 26th was the twenty fifth debate between people who have declared that they want to run for President, many of whom seem to have done so only after having lengthy and detailed conversations with God who informed them that they were His Chosen Candidate.
I have to tell you that, based on the declarations of so many GOP contenders, that God appears to be hedging His bets almost as much as Mitt Romney.
But enough of that for now, it only detracts from the main issue (just as a good Republican debate should).
The point is that, even though I live about a mile up a mountain that has a long history of being covered in snow at this time of year, right now my kids are wearing shorts to school, hummingbirds are swarming in my garden, I have to put SPF 20 on my daughter if she wants to play in the yard, and worst of all there are fat-chicks walking around wearing miniskirts and halter-tops or short-shorts and bikini tops. Don't get me wrong here, I am NOT picking on fat-chicks. I'm a fat-guy, so I have no room to talk about that kinda stuff. Except that, as a fat-guy, I realise that the world neither wants or needs to see the acreage of flesh I keep hidden under my clothes. That's exactly why I keep it hidden under my clothes!
I do have a problem, though, with being confronted with a size-28 woman squeezed into size-12 shorts and a spandex top that not only shows her navel but her C-Section scars and what appeared to be a 3-D topographical map of the Rockies, moulded out of rancid cottage-cheese. I briefly considered poking.
As I stood there, trying not to gag from the combination of B.O and the half-gallon of Poison she had used in lieu of soap and water or deodorant, I thought to myself "Christ! what a sight it must have been when there were millions of these fuckers being hunted across the Plains by the Indians".
But I'm digressin' again.
The last time we had a Winter with no winter was 2001, and the country was pretty preoccupied with the fact that some religious whack-jobs (are there REALLY any other kind?) had decided to play Kamikaze Demolition Derby with 300 ton airliners, and we had to invade Iraq and Afghanistan to teach some Saudi Arabian and Iranian terrorists not to call the President's daddy names ...okay you tell ME what the hell happened!! ....... I'm waiting ....... See? YOU don't know either!! nyah nyah nyah nyahh nyyyyyyaaaaahhhhhh! (A closing argument used, I believe, by Dubya when telling Al Gore that he wasn't gonna be living in the White House)
The entire country missed the fact that we went from Summer, to Fall, to Spring, with twenny minutes of cloudy weather in between!
Which brings me back to the reason for the 25 (so far!) Republican Party Presidential Candidate (Mass) Debates: The reason we're having so many, and that they're getting so much news coverage (even when they're not actually taking place!) is because once you've listened to 25 minutes of this crap, you're almost RELIEVED to hear that the Dow dropped three hundred points AGAIN today. Throw in a cutesy-pie story about a crippled girl who lost her cat and it turned up in a restaurant garbage can in Savannah after mistakenly getting on the back of a semi-truck in Sacramento and there's only about 10 seconds left for the weather guy to say "Weather's gonna be nice again tomorrow. We're expecting winter any day now, but until we get it it's going to stay 77 and sunny ... Tom will be here with sport after this important word from our sponsors".
You see? 30 minutes of news condensed into one paragraph, and by reading this instead of watching it, I even saved you from a commercial for sunscreen
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