So in the almost-15 years I've lived in the States, I've compiled a list called "Things Californians Do That Make Me Want To Carry A Gun".
See, I'm legally allowed to own a gun here ... got no criminal record, not an illegal immigrant, never declared myself an Independant, etc .... The reason I don't own one is because I know my temper.
The Number One thing that makes me want to carry heavy armament when I leave the house is the way people drive on the freeways. I swear by all that's holy, if you want to see large groups of people who were born missing a chromosome or two, drive I-5 ANYWHERE in California.
People in the surrounding States are so knowledgable of how feeble-minded your average Californian driver is that they put signs up on the roads that come into their States from California.
Want proof? Drive into Oregon on the 5. Every half mile or so there's signs saying stuff like "Click-it or Ticket: Always wear your seatbelt", or "Drive On The Right: Pass On The Left". These signs go on for a LONG way north on the freeway, although there were none on the southbound carriageway, nor were there any on the California side of the border.
Know what this means?
It means people in Oregon KNOW that a Californian with an automobile is about as safe as a 3-year-old with a loaded Mac-10 that's had the safety removed.
What the sign REALLY says is "We know you're from California. Do what you need to do, get back to California, and try not to drive TOO MUCH like the braindead asshole we know you are!"
Folks, if you're driving down the freeway and there are people passing you in all three lanes to your right, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG GODDAMN LANE!
Not only are you committing a moving violation, but you're creating a safety hazard!
Forget the fact that, while you're ambling along in the outside lane at 59mph that you're causing others to slow and swerve to avoid your brain-dead antics.
Forget the fact that you're a mindless bastard with the intelligence-quotient of peanut butter and don't know SHIT about the basic rules of driving.
It's just plain RUDE, pure an' simple!
These monkey-spawn had better PRAY that I never win the SuperLotto, because if I do then I'm getting me a tank and a CRAPLOAD of insurance .... then I'm going to go driving.
Anyone dumb enough to be in my way when I'm driving the freeways will get their ass turned into a greasy spot. Their crappy car too!
There's too many of these fuckin' idiot Baby-Boomers on the road, and even MORE of their idiot Gen-X offspring and it's time we had a plague or a war or a catastrophe to thin their fuckin' numbers down a little bit.
There's too many of 'em and they're sucking-up all the oxygen!
So next time you see a douchebag driving under the speed-limit in the outside lane, pass 'em on the right, roll down your window and THROW SOMETHING HEAVY AT THEIR CAR! *
They'll not get the message, but they may well end up dead in a ditch and this will make the freeways a MUCH safer (and faster) place :-)
* Never ever ever ever EVER do this!
Unless you've first sent me $100,000
(For my legal defence)
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